I had a plan.
This plan has been in the works for months and was directly related to The Boy and I going to the Toronto Islands with the intention to commit photography (our idea of romance). It never really happened in the Spring and then it got too warm — not for me, The Boy is a true Canadian — so Fall it was. This would be perfect, anyway, because the Islands? In the Fall? I already have proof that it’s a spectacularly beautiful trip and I want to do it again, with an extra five years of experience as a photographer and a much, much better camera. And this Saturday looked to be absolutely perfect for it: 20°C, sunny in a cloudless sky. I couldn’t wait.
What is it they say about the best laid plans?
I’ve been skirting disaster in the shoulder area for a couple of weeks, mostly related to overwork. Getting a new computer (more about this later in the week) meant that my monitor display was different, which meant that I held my neck in a slightly different way, which meant that my shoulders seized up and my right hand started buzzing. I was pretty quiet for a week and seemed much better. Then last week happened. Which was very, very busy. Among my appointments was a trip to the shop to see Dave the Wonder Repair Guy to replace a part on my left motor. As this is Regan we’re dealing with, fixing one thing led to another crapping out. Something I discovered the next day when popping out for an errand and the chair pulled crazily to the right. A couple of blocks worth of pushing left on my joystick as I was driving did me in. Right shoulder and elbow freaked out, seized up, amping up my pain levels to something I haven’t had in a long time and the buzzing hand came back. Late Friday night, I made the call. We’d have to cancel. Driving around in my apartment was pushing me into serious pain/buzzing, so there was no way I could meander around the Islands for several hours and take a lot of photos.
And then I was pissy about it for a while.
I sulked for a bit and then I looked at the beautiful man on my couch and decided not to let the change of plans ruin our weekend. Or, in the bigger sense, ruin my mood. Having David here made it easy to enjoy myself, but after he left, I had to click into an exercise I haven’t had to do for a while. Namely, actively practicing gratitude and what better time to do that than Thanksgiving (up in Canada, we celebrate early)? So here I go.
I am thankful for…
That I haven’t had to do this exercise for a while.
My body’s ability to heal. It may take a while, but it will heal.
That I have the tools that help it heal and people in my life who will apply those tools. Thanks to The Boy for all the ultrasound and for my family doctor, who I’ll see tomorrow and who is comfortable with giving trigger point injections of freezing.
For my new computer which makes using Dragon so much easier, meaning I could write this post in half the time and with much less typing that I used to do on the old machine. Which because of the injury means I could write at all.
For my family and friends — 3-D and online — who make coping through an injury so much easier.
For working for people who get that I have a chronic illness and disability and understand that sometimes this means I need to not work.
For good books and good movies that keep me company while I heal.
For PennSaid, big painkillers and heating pads.
And, as ever, for Humira. Which means I don’t feel like this all the time.
It’s all about perspective.