Invisible, Visible
I was at the grocery store, picking up a few things, moving from the back of the store to the front because I'm compulsively organized. The last item I needed before heading for the checkout was a loaf of bread and I headed to the ice cream and bread products aisle. Once there, I positioned myself parallel to the shelf, reaching out over the left armrest on my wheelchair and trying to get a solid grip on a loaf of bread so I could get it off the shelf. It wasn't going well - it was just a couple of centimeters too far, I could touch the package, but getting it from the shelf to my lap was a no go.
I sat there for a while, struggling with a loaf of bread - that's not a sentence you write every day - and several able-bodied people went by without offering to help. Feeling more and more invisible, I also felt more and more frustrated. And then this rather elderly man who clearly had some significant health issues came tottering up, took the loaf of bread and handed it to me. He smiled and said "we have to help each other out."
It was a small moment of grace, almost cinematic in how our surroundings became hushed and fuzzy, this moment between two people all that existed. Two invisible people banding together.
Comments
I rarely need help by strangers, yet they are constantly helping me....which gets in my way, takes longer, and is a pain. And I have to be nice and pleasant to them, because they are trying to be nice!
I do love freaking people out by going fast on my crutches to a door, hip checking it open, then holding it there, with a crutch, waiting for the next person to grab the door in their turn!
It is indeed a fine line between helping and imposing... i'm happy to help if someone looks like they want help or just asks. (I'm tall, and often get asked to get things off of high shelves.) Looking like you *need* help and looking like you *want* help are not the same thing tho!
The one person I purposely didn't help was an elderly woman who was trying to get a bag of cat litter into her cart... she was making cranky comments loud enough for anyone to hear, but not actually asking anyone for help. Super passive agressive!
That being said, I still think you must have been shopping on Asshole Night at the local market.
Why?
Because I have been flat-out criticized by people I've tried to help. I have been called patronizing. I have been called narrow-minded for assuming that someone needs help simply because they use a wheelchair. I have been told that they don't need 'my pity'.
No, you have never said these things to me, but if you were a stranger to me, and I saw you in the store looking like you need help, I am not going to offer help. I will gladly help if asked. But I don't need someone yelling at me for treating them 'poorly' because I offered to help.
The mother of an old friend used canes in both hands to walk, but God forbid I hold the door open for her. I did that once, and never heard the end of it.
Catch-22's are everywhere.
We DO have to take care of each other. Bless him!