I'll Try To Keep It To A Minimum

In case you've missed it (I think I've only mentioned it once, maybe twice), Big Brother All-Stars has begun. This means that I have entered into my annual summer obsession with watching complete strangers, about whom I have strong opinions, locked in a hamster cage. A cage that this year looks like a 70s decorating nightmare. How obsessed am I? Glad you asked. Every year, after living and breathing the show for about 1½ months, I have a Big Brother dream. This year, I dreamt about them the night after the first episode. And no, I don’t care how pathetic that makes me sound.

As I tend to talk (a lot) about my obsessions, it is quite likely that there might be the teensiest bit of spillover onto the blog. Much as I'm tempted to add a weekly BBAS post, discussing – in detail, naturally - everything happening in the Big Brother house, I really will try to keep it down to a dull roar. However! As this is the day after the first eviction, settle in for some reality show babbling, which today will consist of a run-through of the selected All-Stars and my opinion of them. Sounds fascinating, don't it?

First, the viewer picks:
Janelle. Well, duh. Breakout star of BB6, she's got heart, looks, competitiveness, a strategic mind and is the author of the immortal "bye-bye, bitches!".
I love her.
. A bit of a surprise, but all right. I liked her (although I liked Jack even more), not much of the strategist, but perhaps she's more like eye candy. And speaking of, what did she do to her face?
. I love underdogs and outsiders, so even if she didn't look a little like my oldest friend in the world (except for the hair, piercings and tattoos), I would've chosen her, too. Her 'six-finger plan' was a masterpiece. Her outsider status might hurt her or, in a house that's already building alliances of strong players, she might be able to evade being targeted, until the alpha players are done eliminating each other.
. Really? Well, she's funny in the diaryroom, but... Diane? Really?
Hurricane Howie
. Certainly amusing to watch, I can't quite figure out whether or not he really is as thick as a plank or if he's just acting, but I gotta admit, Howie tends to make my toes curl in vicarious embarrassment.
. Be still, my beating heart! I hope he doesn't get kicked out too soon, as I would like to spend quite a lot of time drooling over his deliciousness. So far, he hasn't got much screen time, but from what we've seen of him, they've decided to showcase his sillier side, instead of Mr. Intense Strategist – nice to see him as a whole person.
I like James. He's kind of weird and his intensity isn't balanced by too much of a sense of humour, but he's good at competition and playing factions against each other, so he should add some life to the house.
Jase. I loathed Jase the first time around, but he seems to have mellowed a bit. And smartened up substantially. He might be interesting to watch.

CBS didn't tell us how the rest of the housemates were selected, but I suspect the criteria was 'impact' and 'obnoxiousness' (yes, Alison, I'm looking at you).

Dr. Will. I forgot how much fun he is to watch. Verging on sociopathy, very full of himself, very aware of his image and very good at maintaining it. And very, very good at stirring the pot. I hope he sticks around for long time. (By the way, what did he do to his face and did he dip himself in flour?)
Mike Boogie. Huh? Well, I guess the evil Dr. Will has to have a minion and since Boogie’s nose and chin appear to have grown even closer since we last saw him, and he seems to not be able to think for himself, he’s a shoe-in for the “henchman of evil mastermind” role.
Marcellas. I love Marcellas (a.k.a. America’s Black, Gay Sweetheart), but wonder if he’s as much fun without Amy?

And this week’s nominees/evictee:
Danielle. I know some people really dislike her, but she was always a favourite of mine. Strategic (best player that never won) and very funny. Glad she’s sticking around.
. I can’t stand her. Not “love to hate her”, just simple loathing. She’s everything I disagree with – lies as easily as she breathes, uses her body to manipulate men (and they fall for it, which constantly surprises me) and her alleged adulthood is no barrier to interacting like a teenager (“I hate you!” being her favourite weapon).
Bye-bye, bitch!

Having desperately waited for the Chenbot’s catchphrase until last night (how withholding you are, Julie...), I literally whooped when she said 'but first!'. Oh, and I hear from various forums (don’t look at me like that – at least I’ve not subscribed to the live feeds. Yet.) that the SeaSicks (season 6’ers) have a secret 5th ally. I wonder who that is? While I’m at it, fantastic recaps here. Go, Kaysar!!

Who’s your favourite?