Living with Boys

It’s Friday and I’m ending the week on a light note.

My friend Sidney* has two boys, one very much a teenager (Jack) and one on the verge of becoming one (Evan). Which can make telephone conversations with her highly entertaining. Over the past years, I’ve kept a record of things I’ve heard her say to the boys. Herewith a brief sampling:

The dumpster is not a play area.

Sidney: What are you doing?
Oldest child: Piercing Evan’s ear.

The crickets have escaped!

The knife is not a toy.

If you hang up, I will break your hand.

Why are you eating a piece of glass?

Don’t wipe your nose on my shirt – use a Kleenex!

Do not jump on the trampoline with the cat in your arms.

Why are your pants in the freezer?

Do you have any funny kid lines?

* names changed to protect the tender dignity of teenaged and almost-teenaged sensibilities.