5 Lessons Learned While Sitting Still

The first thing I learned came on the very first day of my 2 weeks leave. And it was the sheer exuberant relief of knowing I had 2 weeks, 14 long days with no responsibilities, no to-do lists, nothing on my plate but to sit still and heal. In a comment on last Friday's post, Nairn called it giving over and that describes it in a nutshell. More than giving in, different than giving up, it was an almost literal handing over of the situation to someone else, something else. Who or what, I don't know, but the weight that was lifted off me made me feel so light I was almost floating.

The second thing I learned came on the third day of my two week leave. And it was the realization that now when I no longer force myself to focus, to concentrate through and around the pain, but instead let my mind and my body do what they need to do, I only have enough mental focus for a half hour conversation. Because I have no energy left, am probably in a decided overdraft in that department and whatever energy I do have, is used to cope with the pain and is used to heal. This not only means that I cannot multitask at all, but have also been rendered incapable of any conversation that requires a nimble mind or lasts longer than about 30 minutes.

The third thing I learned came on the fourth day of my two week leave. And it was that having a good night's sleep while dosed to the gills with muscle relaxants can mean getting up in morning without immediate high pain levels.

The fourth thing I learned also came on the fourth day of my two week leave. And it was that my desire to get things done will override any sense I may have accumulated and at the first sign of feeling better, the mental list came surging back. Which at the end of the day resulted in feeling wonderfully productive, but also getting kicked back several steps in the healing process.

The fifth thing I learned came on the fifth day of my two week leave. And it was the sheer exuberant relief of knowing I had one and a half weeks, 10 long days with no responsibilities, no to-do lists, nothing on my plate but sit still and heal. As well as processing a number of lessons.


AlisonH said…
Jan 09 for me, the hardest task I had was trying to gather up the mental facility in the fog of pain to write something daily (didn't always make it, the hubby sometimes stepped in), something even vaguely coherent and even something worth living through vicariously for my readers in their reading it, and difficult as it had to have been for them, it amazed me that people chose to.

Mine was temporary, a cut and toss on the body; I am in awe of you. I hope you know that.
Diane said…
I am sorry that you've had a self-inflicted setback, but you still made me laugh because it was all you and just created a picture of you in my head.  Wish I could be there...you wouldn't even have to talk, I can keep myself amused while keeping you company.
David said…
...but we talked for 45 minutes and even at the end I still couldn't keep up with you.
Anonymous said…
Perhaps you need a reminder to listen to your body, tattoo'd on the inside of your eyelids?   Or maybe a screen saver on your computer (yeah, that seems like it's a bit easier to arrange).

I think many of us need this, to one degree or another.  I know that *I* do!
Anonymous said…
I read this and kept looking for the partridge in the pear tree.
Gaina said…
I was talking to my Mum today about why it's now important for me as a disabled person to interact with people in my own culture, and we discussed my utter rejection of anything to do with disability when I was younger and how I've changed my attitude towards it.  I think it's because as you get older pain and fatigue become more and more a part of your life so being able to read blogs like this where someone else 'gets it' are very valuable.

I am still on 'University Headless Chicken' mode after a month of being away from the place - I've got absolutely nowhere to go and nothing to do but my mind is still nagging me to do....*something*, as if I have an invisible deadline.   I was going to make at least one necklace today to sell but it just didn't happen for various reasons.  I was just getting cross about it when I literally stopped and told my inner critic to shut up!  I can make the darn thing tomorrow, the world won't collapse because I deviated from The Plan!  :-D
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