The Seated View

Most of the time, what I do involves sitting alone in front of my computer and writing down my thoughts, then posting them somewhere and and you read them and sometimes leave a comment. I like this. It suits my introverted nature, yet at the same time it is a two-way conversation. But one should stretch, no? Get out of the comfort zone, do something new and hopefully exciting. Several months ago, the lovely Kirsten Schultz interviewed me for the ChronicSex podcast and my episode it live ! In it, we talk about arthritis and sex, the lack of guidance from medical professionals about what to do and what to avoid, the awkwardness of asking for advice about sex, that little bit about politics, and there's a whole lot of laughing It was a terrific experience — Kirsten and I clicked on lying quite a while ago, met in person in Toronto last year and that confirmed the click. We talked for over an hour for the podcast and it went by in no time . You can find the ChronicSex podca...

When you live with chronic illness and disability, pain and mobility limitations can make sex difficult. But does that mean your partner should find someone else with whom to have sex? I see this fairly often, mostly late at night on private Facebook groups where it’s safe to bare what’s deep inside. I’ve been there myself, as well, right when The Boy and I first started dating. The conversation went something like this: Me: I don’t know what I can do. Maybe we should talk about you having an outlet somewhere else. The Boy: not a chance. We’ll figure it out. I had thought it only fair, had been very focused on my limitations and worrying about whether I'd be able to participate fully in all aspects of our relationship. When I heard his reply, I was deeply relieved. I am at heart monogamous. Internalized stigma with general decrepitude So many of us who live with chronic illness struggle with self-esteem issues, with feeling like we are damaged goods. ...

When you have RA, your whole life has RA. This disease impacts the obvious and the not-so obvious. We talk about some of it, but much remains hidden. Sex is one of those things. Doctors rarely bring it up – I believe they may prefer to think of us as asexual beings. If you do get up the nerve to ask how RA might affect your sex life, it’s hard to predict which one of you will first twist themselves into a pretzel of embarrassment. One of my goals as an advocate and a writer is to shine a light on the reality of living with RA and disability. To talk about that which no one talks about. The hidden, the embarrassing, the hilarious. Which brings us back to sex — often hidden, sometimes embarrassing and frequently hilarious. I first wrote this post a few years ago and wanted to share it again, slightly revised, for Valentine’s Day. Opening jars — or rather, the inability to do so — is often mentioned by people who live with RA as the ultimate example in frustration, smackin...